Week 16 and Built up thoughts

So here we are in week 16. Baby bump continues to grow and we are feeling good. At times Judy says she thinks she feels the baby moving but is unsure and can not really describe what she is feeling but she is feeling something happening.

She’s feeling good this week as we wait in anticipation for our appointment next Wednesday.

As for time, for me it feels like it is going both fast and slow. I look back and say I can’t believe how long ago it was when we had our first consultation with our IVF doctor since it feels like just yesterday we were sitting in that office.

Then I look ahead and say I wish our due date would hurry up and get here so we can start spoiling our little princess.

As a soon to be first time dad, I cannot tell you how excited I am. I’m ready to do all the girlie things our daughter may want to do, tea parties, playing with dolls, etc….

I also realize the importance of my roll in her life. She may look for someone similar to me when she is growing up when choosing a partner in life. Because of this both me and Judy will have to teach her the importance of both respecting others as well as being respected.

I was raised by my mother and grandmother and didn’t have the luxury of having a father figure in my life for the first eight years or so. They had to take the roles of mom, dad and grandma and in doing so showed me how to be a good man.

I was blessed by having my stepdad come into my life even though it was later who strengthened what my mom and grandmother taught me about being a man, but also how to love as a father.

While I am sure we will have our learning curves as we will be learning how to be parents along the way, I am sure we will figure it out. The key is the love and affection we have for our princess.

While I didn’t have the father figure for the first few years, my mom and grandmother had nothing but love for me while teaching me how to be a good man. If these two great women could teach me how to be a good man, then I should be able to figure out how to teach our baby how to grow to be a good woman.

As long as she turns out like Judy, then we will have done everything right. Not saying that if she turns out like me it would be bad, but if she does we may have to expect some calls from her school from time to time. Lmao

So yeah, excited is an understatement. Words can not explain the feelings I have been having.

Having lost my mom in September I know I was down. I miss the hell out of her as she was always there for me and now she is not. It all happened in a snap and I wasn’t prepared. We were smack in the middle of our IVF treatment when my mom passed having already scheduled the egg retrieval on what turned out to be 3 days after my mom passed.

The thing that got me most was my buddy was doing work fixing up my my apartment over the past few months so we could rent it out. While he was working he called me and told me he heard my moms voice out of nowhere and she told him it is a girl. This was before we found out so I truly believe she did reach out to him to let him know so he can tell us and let us know she is watching over us. It is really beautiful to think about considering my mom was always a giving person and continues to give after she is gone.

While I was feeling down after losing my mom, the day I found out we were having a girl, my sadness turned to joy and excitement considering the experience my friend had with my mom.

I can’t give my mom all the credit as I know she has teamed up with Judys mom to help us and watch over us. The two of them together make for an unstoppable force so I feel like we are in great shape even though I really wish both were with us so our princess would see how amazing her grandmas are.

At 16 weeks all is good, life is good, and we can not wait for our baby girl to come into this world. We love her sight unseen and know life is going to get so much better.

Thanks for sticking through this read. I know it was long and I may not be the greatest writer, but this is all very therapeutic for me as it enables me to share thoughts that I can’t always bring out when speaking and gives me a sense that our posts may help at least one person who shares in similar experiences.


Thoughts during our IVF Journey

***Ramble alert as we have a 1001 thoughts in our heads.***

We know we are not the only couple going through IVF in hopes of having a child. There are many great couples out there sharing their experience on Instagram, tumblr and various other platforms which has been great for us and we are appreciative of everyone who shares their experience, both good and bad.

As we decided to start our journey in hopes of having a child, we realized it wasn’t as easy for us as some. We went through two miscarriages which left us wondering what is wrong.

We were told both miscarriages were due to chromosomal defects and the doctor recommended seeing a fertility specialist and get genetic testing.

Genetic testing came back with no issues that would affect our pregnancy or child which left us asking what could be wrong?

The only thing that came up in the last pregnancy was high thyroid issues. Went to the endocrinologist and take meds for that now. Fertility doc felt there was no reason we can not have a baby but said IVF may increase our chances since we are considered high risk as we are both over 35.

If it could increase our chances then why not try?

The process of IVF is not a quick thing. At times we wonder when will this be over and be able to hold our child?

We have read about and know some personally who tried for a few years before achieving success. Dylan’s stepsister has been trying with her husband for a few years and right now they are the furthest they ever made it along in a pregnancy as it was the first time they ever had a heartbeat and made it into the second trimester now.

Can we beat the odds? As of this writing we are 7 weeks and 5 days pregnant. We have a heartbeat and the IVF doc released us from his care this past weekend feeling we are in good shape. We now move on to our regular obgyn for checkups.

We have only done one cycle where they retrieved around 40 eggs, around 12 of those fertilized and out of those 12, we had one with no issues and two that were mosaic meaning they could still be used but chance of miscarriage is increased.

We opted to use our egg that had no issues.

Does this all mean we are in a safe zone and will have our bundle of joy in August? All I can say is we are certainly hoping so.

We have been open about going through IVF but have not told many who know us that we are pregnant. Our friends and family do not know about this blog of ours so we are not worried about them finding out unless we have been found. Lol

We proceed with caution at this time. This does not mean we are not being positive, but we are somewhat protecting ourselves. We can find out the gender but we are holding off until the second trimester to do so. We are also avoiding the baby sections in stores even though we want to look so bad.

Reading the experiences that others share is both good and bad. It shows that we are not alone in having issues trying to conceive. On the flip side you see the stories of those who struggle for a very long time which makes one wonder, will that be our experience?

The key is to not compare and contrast. We are all different. As a community of people who are going through this, we have to embrace each other, support each other, and share our positivity in good and bad times.

We are not sure what will happen over the next few weeks/months but we are hoping we succeed. If successful we will be grateful for this experience but have a whole new outlook in regards to infertility. We will continue supporting and following those going through this to offer support.

The worst thing is wanting something so bad that you know will complete you and having to fight to get it. Especially when it comes to a baby. You see these stories of unfit parents in the world and are left asking, why were they able to have a child and for me it is so hard?

Selfish thought? Maybe but I am sure we are not the only ones who thought this.

As we take everything one day at a time, we are feeling good right now and hoping the stars have aligned and we are being blessed.

To the one we are carrying. We want you and we promise to give you a happy life. Stay with us and know you will love us as we will love you forever.