Mothers Mental Gymnastics – A Postpartum Experience

I’ve never been one to publicly talk much about my mental health struggles but being postpartum I’ve been told It’s important to let it out.

But as a perfectionist and of stubborn Irish-Italian descent…It’s so hard. Getting used to responsibilities of keeping the tiny human alive is a huge change in routine.

Then there are those moments for myself when baby is sleeping where I try to figure out who the hell I am. Those moments I seem to struggle with the most. Adjusting to limitations with COVID on top of all that is just the proverbial straw on the camels back.

I feel guilty sometimes leaving her w the hubby because I see my maternity leave as my “job” to take care of her.

My hubby works remotely from home but his availability and responsibilities can change at a moments notice. He is an amazing father and I knew he would be from the beginning of our relationship over 10yrs ago. I have no doubts in his skills and abilities.

I am learning so much from him already. Things like rushing home and asking him if things are good, are more to calm my brain while I learn to dial things down. It’s just a learning curve to go through at this point.

I was driving to the store the other day and was overwhelmed w the thought “who am I, and who am I now?” Yes I’m now a mom but I’m trying to still find out me. What do I like? Dislike? What are my goals and dreams for ME?

I know I coast along socially with work and family but I’ve never been strong w friendships. I feel like I have trouble making friends but I hate being alone. If that makes sense.

So I am trying to figure out a lot. If you are a new mom and have thoughts that you’re a failure as a mom, are over anxious, or feel out of control please tell your doctor ASAP. Save yourself to help your child. Both of you will benefit.

I told my doc how I’ve been feeling today and just her saying to reach out to people daily, take each victory as it comes, and nothing is going to be consistent to control, only your reactions to them was a huge help.

There was a poster in the exam room explaining the difference between baby blues and true postpartum depression. Blues last about 2weeks, PPD lasts longer and becomes more intense over time. The quicker you communicate the better you will feel.