So it’s been quite a whirlwind. People tell you how much your life will change with a baby and you don’t realize it until it happens to you.
Had a routine doc appt prior to my sched delivery day which would’ve been today, 8/3. I had very high BP so she sent us to the hospital for “monitoring” which turned into getting IV medication because it was so high they worried I could have a seizure. Then they decided on delivery because I started having contractions.
Delivery was beautiful. Heavenly. Just dreamlike. Yes it was a C-Section but it was one of those times where you really take stock and are truly awed at this life, creation, the human body, science, and just absolute unconditional love. While riding high from delivery of our baby girl, I was still on this medication that made me hotter than the sun inside and out, and also made me intolerable to everything, even water for 24 hours.
My hospital is very keen on breastfeeding and skin to skin within the first hour. It was so hard to concentrate on so many things during that time. Recovering from surgery, this damn IV drip, hormones all over, and a baby to learn about.
Eventually we tried latching and she did ok but no one told me how much it would HURT! Literally NO ONE (including fellow moms) mentions this. You see pictures of women breastfeeding and it seems so serene and natural. I assumed it actually feels good. WRONG!
They said “it gets better just keep at it… don’t be so hard on yourself. She’s 36 weeks so she’s still figuring it out too.” They suggested trying to latch for 5-10mins, then try pumping, then formula. So they brought in lactation consultants over our 4 days in the hospital to work on latch and holds.
The whole time I felt tricked and frustrated that it should be so easy. There’s something I’m not doing or maybe something I’m doing wrong.
I felt like I failed at Mom 101 already. Nothing was comfortable. I felt so awkward, my back hurt from being so tense just aching for breastmilk to come in so I can mentally feel relief that I can do what my body was designed to do.
Pumping seemed like a hassle to set up and do. When I did it I suctioned too much and my nipple bled. It scared me so I had to hold off on it and only try latching on one side. I stayed in a hospital gown that didn’t fit and got in the way, an uncomfortable bed, BP all over the map, people coming in and out to check my vitals, baby’s vitals, give me pain meds. It was all just exhausting.
Finally come home and tried to latch still, and grew increasingly frustrated. Annoyed at the process pumping takes, and just generally felt overwhelmed and defeated at the start of how hard this all is. Later that night I shed tears of frustration and overwhelming change seeing my husband running around to help and keep me relaxed.
He really has been my rock, savior, saint, and lifeline for me through this whole thing. I literally have no idea what I would do or who I would be without him. I draw my strength from him without him even knowing it.
Over the next few days, I looked up anything to help and found nipple shields. I was able to get colostrum out of my right breast not my left. After the shields it evened out. They helped with her latching but man does feeding still hurt!!!! Sharp glass like pain at every latch.
I still only get about 5mls total for both sides. I have been trying to pump after her formula feedings to keep up my milk supply. Hoping it will ramp up. We will see.
With all of this going on, I just look at her face and know I can keep going and she’s going to be okay.
This blog has definitely been an outlet for us and hopefully it is for other moms AND dads out there. We all can relate to something so let’s talk about it. Would love to hear your thoughts and share ideas on this parenthood journey.